Bang Bang
by LightLeadingMe
Summary: Erin is ordered by her boss to take down the BAU. How will she do it? Through the art of seduction. Strauss/Rossi
1. The Job

"Director Robbens," Erin Strauss greeted her boss with a smile as she entered the spacious office. She was not expecting to meet with the director today, their meeting was set for next Monday, but when she arrived at work this morning, her secretary informed her that the director wanted to see her immediately.

"Erin, thank you for coming in." The Director, James Robbens, was a tall, slim man with dark hair that had obviously come from a box. His facial features were somewhat handsome, but he was never someone Erin considered appealing. She knew he was mostly a player as well, sleeping with all of his secretaries and even marrying one. She has known him since they were just agents about 20 years ago. He got promoted to director not long before Erin got promoted to Section Chief.

"Yes, I wasn't expecting to meet with you," she told him as she sat down in the chair across from her desk. "My calendar has us meeting on Monday."

James waved a hand to as if to dismiss their meeting for the following week. "We can cancel that, what we are going to discuss today is more important."

"I'm listening," she nodded her head and folded her hands across her knee where her legs were crossed in front of her. She already didn't like where this was heading.

"I'm having some... concerns about your team in the Behavioral Analysis Unit, Erin," he said. "Now I know that they are already apprehensive about you over there, but I think I've figured a way to bring them down once and for all."

Erin felt her chest tighten and her throat dry up. "Sir, with all due respect, the BAU-"

"Oh, cut the crap, Erin," he cut her off and she clamped her mouth shut. "Do you really believe that bullshit they tell you? Profiling, is that what they call it?"

"It's a very effective study, sir. It has proven itself since David Rossi and Jason Gideon began the unit over 20 years ago," she countered. She didn't know when she began rooting for the team that she knew despised her, but she wasn't surprised at herself.

James snorted with dark laughter and leaned forward with his arms resting on his desk. "We both know those two idiots just talked shit out of their ass back then, and they're still doing it now. I want them done with, Erin."

"What exactly do you expect me to do about it?" she checked her tone and cleared her throat before adding, "Sir."

James smirked, sneering at her. "You and David Rossi have a past, no?"

Erin's cheeks flared up and her hands began to sweat. She and David did have their adventurous days back when they were young, it was true, but it felt like a million years ago. Once Erin got married and David began the BAU, they stopped their childish ways and drifted apart. Trying to act nonchalant, but knowing in the back of her mind that James saw right through her, Erin shrugged. "We've known each other for many years, yes."

"So you've fucked him."

It was more of a statement than a question and it threw her off-guard and caused her eyes to open of their own accord in shock. "Sir, I don't-"

"Are you married, Erin?"

"Well, no, not anymo-"

"No boyfriend, partner? You're what, 3 months sober?"

Erin gritted her teeth at the sly smile on her boss' face. "No significant other in my life and yes I am sober," she growled.

"Excellent!" Director Robbens leaned back in his chair and observed her for a moment before letting another grin cover his face. "I have a proposition, Erin, and if you want to keep your job secure here in the FBI, you will accept. Otherwise, you and your reputation at the Bureau will be destroyed and you can guarantee I will do it."

She stared blankly at him, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up. James could always be menacing, especially when threatening someone. "What do you need me to do?" she asked, her voice shaking.

James stood up and walked around his desk, leaning against the front of it and folding his arms in front of his chest.

"I want you to seduce David Rossi."


	2. The Question

_"I want you to seduce David Rossi."_

The words seemed to echo in her head over and over again, causing a headache to form behind her eyes. Did her boss just order her to seduce her colleague? What the hell was going on?

"I beg your pardon?" she asked, her voice small and full of confusion.

"You heard me, Erin. Don't play dumb," James shot back at her with a roll of his eyes. "My theory, is that by seducing Agent Rossi and getting him to trust you will eventually make cause for David to turn his back on the BAU and Aaron Hotchner. Therefore, we will break down the team one by one. Maybe even add in a few _budget cuts_," he used "air quotes" and Erin felt like rolling her eyes herself. What was he, twelve? "And voila, Behavioral Analysis Unit will be a figment of the past."

"Sir," Erin straightened herself up in her chair. "Why now? The BAU has been around for two decades-"

"Two decades too long, Erin," he growled at her. "It's time the nonsense has stopped." He seemed to observe her for a few moments and Erin shifted in her seat, feeling very uncomfortable under his gaze. "I'm surprised at you, Erin. A year ago you would have jumped at the chance to take down Aaron Hotchner and his gang."

A year ago she was drowning in bottles of alcohol and didn't know how to spell right from wrong never mind tell the difference between the two. Being put in rehab, even at the hands of the people who she was trying to get rid of, changed her perspective on many things. She basically owed her life to Aaron and SSA Morgan. And now, here she was, 6 months later, being given an ultimatum to push the best agents in the Bureau out the door.

"So?" he asked, standing up straight, towering over her. "Are you in?"

Did she have a choice? Her entire career, something she killed herself for, something she chose over her husband, even her kids at times, something she knew caused her drinking problem in the first place... or a team of 7 people who could easily bounce back with their highly decorated files?

Standing up and clearing her throat, Erin stared the director down, which was surprising given he had at least a foot over her. "When do I begin?"

James Robbens smiled, baring his teeth like a chesire cat. "Immediately."

* * *

David Rossi strolled through the BAU, whistling some tune he heard on the radio that morning with his hands in his pockets and a bounce in his step. Something was great about today. The weather was nice, he had a great relaxing weekend, he had just sent another book to his publisher... nothing could bring him down from his cloud high in the sky. Until he entered his office to find Erin Strauss sitting in_ his_ chair, that is. The air seemed to always shift in her presence. He swore the room temperature drops 20 degrees as she drifts by.

"Strauss," he grumbled, feeling his overtly good mood take a dive south. "What are you doing here?" There was never a need for pleasantries around her, there never was. Why should he give respect to someone just because of the title they have when he had the same, if not more qualifications to have said title.

"David," she stood up and clasped her hands together in front of her, a nervous habit that she hoped he didn't notice.

He did. "Something you need?"

"Yes, actually, I was wondering if you might join me for an event this Saturday?" She ignored the way his eyebrows practically disappeared into his hairline as he looked at her with a mix of surprise and amusement on his face. "You see, it's a whole bureaucratic evening and I'm required to go, seeing as I'm a superior and what with the divorce and-"

"Erin Strauss," he stopped her rambling with a cheeky grin. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

A blush crept up her chest and settled in her cheeks, her teeth digging into her bottom lip. "Well, it's just casual, we can go as friends, but-"

"Yes."

She stared at him blankly. "Excuse me?"

David shrugged, walking around to his desk and sitting down in his chair gracefully. "Why not? We've never tried going on a date before. Fucking? Been there done that. Fighting, that's a given. Friendship? Definitely new territory." He gave her a bright smile and Erin tried her best to not return it, but ultimately failed.

"Well, then I shall see you then. It's black tie," she informed him.

"I'll pick you up at 730."

"You really don't have to-"

"Hey," he held his hands up. "If it's a date, I'm going to participate 100%. Be ready at 730 sharp."

Erin nodded her head and left his office. David could have sworn he saw the same skip in her step that he had previously that morning. Oh, this was definitely going to be interesting...


	3. The Beginning of Seduction

Erin stared at her reflection in the mirror and let out a sigh. What the hell did she think she was doing? Had she really taken an order from her boss to seduce a colleague? Was she in some alternate universe? She hadn't even been on a date since before she got married, who the hell did she think she was to seduce someone at 51?

She smoothed down the black dress that hugged her curves and did a turn, checking out the back. The back of the dress dipped low below her shoulder blades showing that she wasn't wearing a bra and the skirt of ended just above her knee with a slit up her thigh, showing off her shapely legs. The killer 6 inch platform red heels added a pop of color and matched her red clutch purse. He blonde hair was pulled back on top of her head in a french twist and her makeup was darker than normal, but it brought out her blue/green eyes.

With another sigh she grabbed he phone off the bed and checked the time. 7:27 pm.

"Shit," she mumbled and quickly threw her things into her purse. Cell phone, cash, credit card, driver's license, advil, condoms... ? Erin felt a surge of heat rush through her. She was 51 years old, what did she need condoms for? She threw the condoms out of her purse and threw in an extra pair of panties. She had no idea what this night would bring, but she was going to be prepared either way.

Her doorbell rang and Erin quickly rushed out of her bedroom and down the stairs. She opened the door and sucked in a breath. David Rossi was drop dead gorgeous in a tuxedo. She tried to hide her visible reaction to him, but she knew he could see right threw her.

"7:30, right on time," she raised her eyebrow. "At least you're thorough."

"Oh, Erin," he gave her a sly smile. "I'm always thorough when it comes to beautiful women. And might I say, you are looking exceptionally gorgeous this evening.

She felt her heart beat speed up just at his tone. Exactly who was seducing who here? "Well, thank you. And you're looking pretty handsome yourself."

"Naturally," he sighed, fixing his collar.

Erin refrained from rolling her eyes as she stepped onto the porch with him and closed the door behind her. "You're an ass," she couldn't help but comment as she followed him to the car. He let out a chuckle and opened her door for her.

* * *

Erin may had momentarily forgotten her objective for the evening as she couldn't help but insult David any chance she got. It wasn't intentional, it just came so naturally to her. David couldn't refrain either, he loved to rile her up and get her bothered. It was such a turn on. A slow song came on and couples began to shuffle to the dance floor. Erin felt David slip an arm around her waist and pull her back against him, his breath hot in her ear.

"Care to dance?"

Erin shivered and leaned back against him involuntarily. "I'd love to," she purred. Since when did she purr?

He lead her to the dance floor and pulled her to him. Erin didn't shy away from pressing her body tightly to his while they dance. Her breasts were brushing his chest and his hands were dangerously low on her back, resting just above the swell of her ass. Erin wrapped her arms around his neck and rest her head on his shoulder.

"Erin," David mumbled, his lips brushing her ear.

"Mmm?" she replied, her eyes closed. This was the first time in months that she felt relaxed and in the arms of David Rossi no less.

"What are you thinking right now?" he asked and Erin frowned.

"Well, at this moment, I'm thinking of how amazing you smell." Nothing like the truth, eh? She felt his shoulders move as he chuckled and she raised her head to look at his face. "What?"

David leaned his forehead down so it was resting against hers and their noses brushed together intimately. "I honestly was thinking the same thing of you."

She grinned at him, her eyes lighting up.

"Why did you invite me tonight?" he asked the million dollar question and Erin felt her cheeks heat up.

"I told you the other day, I needed a date. I am recently divorced and you're the only man who's shown interest in me in the past few months." It wasn't a lie. She was recently divorced and David was the only one since her divorce to offer himself to her. But going to this event was a complete hoax and she couldn't help the guilty feeling rising in her chest.

"That can't be true," David spoke and she stared blankly at him.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Every eye in this room is on you right now," he told her. "I can't be the only one who has asked you out on a date."

She couldn't help the tears that formed in her eyes. "I'm sorry, but it's true."

"No, I'm sorry," David whispered, pressing his lips to her ear again. "I'm sorry that men are so stupid and don't know when a beautiful woman is gracing their presence."

"David," she began to protest, but he continued.

"I'm serious, Erin," he ran his hands up and down her back, his fingers trailing gently across the bare skin he found before finally settling his hands on her ass, giving a firm squeeze and pressing her closer to him. Erin gasped when she felt his erection pressed against her stomach. "You see what you do to me, Erin? I've been walking around like this all night, since I first saw you on your doorstep."

"David," she repeated, but this time is was a sigh of pleasure. "Let's get out of here."


	4. The Failure of Seduction

This was madness.

Did she really just tell David Rossi to take her away from a bureaucratic function where they both needed to kiss ass? Was she seriously speed-walking, hand in hand down a dark corridor and out to the parking lot with the man that has been the bane of her existence for the past 20 years?

What the hell was going on?

David had similar thoughts running through his head. First, Erin asks him to accompany her. Then, he shows up right on time on her doorstep to find her dressed to really impress, looking sexier than ever, something she'd never wear to a function. And now, they were on their way to his car to race traffic home and-

What? What were they going to do?

Erin was a mystery to him. She could be all hot and bothered for him one minute and the next, she could be throwing him out on the street with plenty of insults. Sure, back when they were young and stupid, they had many nights of passion, but now they were older, mature, and better experienced in the field of relationships.

They reached his SUV and hopped in. When David turned the key in the ignition, things suddenly became real, the weight of what they were going to do settling on their shoulders, and the air between them grew very awkward. David cleared his throat and drove the speed limit to her house, no longer feeling the need to rush around. Erin, biting her lips nervously, stared out the window and basically ignored him the entire way.

_'You can do this, Erin. This is your job. You're career is on the line. Don't screw this up. The only screwing you will be doing will be with David Rossi. You got this. You'll be fine. It's not like you're not attracted to him. You always have been. Just calm down.'_

"Is everything okay?"

His voice interrupting her thoughts made her jump and she turned to look at him. "Y-yes, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Cause you look like you're going to be sick."

"Just drive me home, David. I'll be better when I get home."

Silence.

For 20 minutes.

Complete and utter awkward silence.

Erin felt like she was going to vomit. This wasn't going to work. She might as well turn in her badge on Monday. She was done-for. Finished. No more. And all because she couldn't seduce the man she was sure had sex on his mind every 10 seconds.

He pulled the SUV up to the house and they both got out, David, like a gentleman, walking her to the front door.

"Well, thank you for inviting me." He shuffled his feet, his hands in his pockets and his gaze downwards.

"Thank you for joining me. It was a lovely evening." She tried to smile, but it came out a grimace. Her stomach was in knots.

"Goodnight, Erin," he told her, leaning in to kiss her cheek sweetly. He turned around and headed back down the walkway when she called out to him.

"Would you like to come in for coffee?"

David grinned and back-tracked, leisurely walking up to her and entering the house behind her. "Thought you'd never ask."

* * *

**OMG what did I just write. Did that make any sense to you? I just wrote whatever. hahaha Hopefully next chapter will have sexy times! Review, lovelies!**


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